More than half way done and I am beginning to review my place. Mostly because I never finish anything. Well, I guess that isn’t true. I managed to finish my first book but that came at a cost of sleepless nights and frustrated days. It didn’t help that I was going through a depressive state throughout which made it 100 times harder to get things done.
This is the major reason I over think or re-evaluate decisions. I will challenge myself while in a manic state to jump-start my creative juices. Then in the midst of things I will hit a depressive lull and the entire project will go down the tubes.
That is the loveliness of bipolar. You never know when the manic stage is coming nor when the depression is going to smack you in the face. Aside from not knowing when, you also don’t know how long either of these states will last. Sometimes hours, days or weeks But there is the rare occasion that a stage can last a month or two. While I haven’t had a manic state last that long, I have had depressive ones that seemed never-ending.
Each day is a fight.
Some may think when I don’t post I’m just being lazy. Nope. Aside from all the hats that I wear, some days I am fighting just to do the minimum. This means that I may not get around to posting on that particular day. It’s not that I’m not being consistent at all. It’s probably a day I woke up and had to drag myself out of bed just to get the average stuff taken care of.
Do I like the fact that my blogs suffer due to my illness? Of course not. At this point it’s a matter of getting through it or around it. Bipolar will be a part of my life for the rest of my life. However, it doesn’t have to control my life. This has controlled me for way too long and I am getting to the point where I have had enough.
When I released “The Good, The Bad & The Ugly”, it was just a stepping stone for beginning the journey of getting through being bipolar. Now, after nearly a year after it came out, I am still leading the charge in my life. I’ve looked into Depression and Bipolar Associations. It rather sucks because there are no prominent ones in my tri-state area but I think I can change that. People still do not understand the depth in which a disorder like bipolar can change a person, friendship or family. I want to make people more aware.
So this is something else in these 30 days that I’ve had an epiphany on. It’s actually refreshing to openly talk about this with all of you. And hopefully you will help me in support of those who suffer from disorders such as bipolar. We ARE still human even with our quirks.